There has been a lot of press coverage recently about
emails I received and wrote several years ago that included insensitive and
offensive remarks. In response to the
publication of those emails, I issued a statement expressing my deep regret and
offering a heartfelt apology. I meant
what I wrote in that statement but there were things I didn’t write because I
didn’t want to distract from the statement’s main idea of apology.
Now, if I followed conventional wisdom, I would leave things
alone, waiting for the storm to die down.
But I don’t generally follow conventional wisdom and I am lucky and
proud to live in a country where I can speak freely and where people can freely
disagree with me. So here’s the rest of the
story.
In December, I learned someone had stolen my private,
personal emails and given them to a digital media outlet. I told the digital media outlet these were
stolen emails, that they were both private and personal, that I didn’t
authorize their publication or disclosure, and that I wanted them returned to
me. The media outlet disregarded my
request. That’s not surprising to me – this
outlet attacks people it disagrees with, including many it views as too
conservative, running pieces like “The 69 Idiots of 2018: Capitalists” where they note “2018 was a year
filled with idiots—including the idiots who rule our cursed capitalist
hellscape.” (I’m a capitalist, by the
way, and I made the Idiot’s List.)
The person who stole my private emails wanted to harm me
and my reputation as did the people who published the material over my
objections. I get it; in the polarized
world in which we live it can feel like anything is fair game.
Although I am a Conservative — primarily on economic and financial issues — I have both Democratic and Republican friends. And although I am a Catholic, I have Protestant, Jewish, and Muslim friends. I don’t let political positions or religious affiliations define who my friends are or who I associate with.
Which brings me to the recently published emails that date
from 2008-2013. The emails themselves
fall into two basic categories — offensive jokes sent to me and to which I
responded inappropriately, and denigrating comments about Muslims, including
some I wrote myself. The first group –
the offensive jokes – were usually sent to me from old friends and were among
dozens of emails I receive daily. I rarely
paid much attention to them, usually responded with something like “funny” or
“good joke,” and then deleted them. These
emails were from people I knew, and I knew I wasn’t going to change their attitudes,
but I didn’t want to alienate them; I wanted to keep the friendships, which in
many cases dated back decades. In
retrospect I wish I had said these were wrong or asked to be removed from
future jokes of this sort, but I didn’t and I accept responsibility for my
failure to speak up.
And then there is the second group of emails – the ones
with comments about followers of Islam. The
first thing to say about these emails is that I wish I had been more thoughtful
in what I wrote because I wrote things that didn’t reflect what was in my
heart. But, I wasn’t writing with the
idea that lots of people who don’t know me would be reading and dissecting my
words. Had I known that would be the
case, I would have started every email by saying what’s in my heart: the vast majority of Muslims are just like
the vast majority of Christians and Jews, trying to live good lives and to help
their children do better. I would
have gone on to say that, unlike the vast majority of Muslims, there’s a
radicalized Islamic fringe that functions like a cult and who view people like me
as their enemy because of where we live and the God we worship. I know firsthand this fringe isn’t
representative of most Muslims – through the foundation I established, I’ve
supported global educational initiatives for students of all faiths,
including students in Muslim schools in Africa.
I’ve spent time at these schools and I know the families to be good
people. I regret that some of what I
wrote back in 2008-2013 appeared to condemn these good people who have as
little in common with the radical Islamic fringe as do most Christian and
Jewish people. But at a time when adherents
to this radicalized Islamic fringe were beheading people and declaring war on
western society – something that sadly continues to this day – I wasn’t precise
in the words I chose in my private emails.
I’m a lot of things – a husband, a father, a Catholic,
an entrepreneur, and a philanthropist. Those
are descriptions I like, but I can also be irritable, rash, and stubborn. I understand that some people now would add
racist to the list, but I know what’s in my heart and I’m not that, and never
have been.
I believe there’s a lot more that unites all us Christians, Jews, Muslims, Socialists, and Capitalists than divides us, and I believe we need to find a way to thrive together. That can feel uncomfortable at times because we don’t all see things the same way, and we don’t all believe in the same things. But I am going to be thinking about it, and working on it, and I hope others will too.
